intro thru extro(version) 2.0 - trans learn tings - decolonizing introversion and extroversion - Free Post

intro thru extro(version) 2.0 - trans learn tings - decolonizing introversion and extroversion

trans learn tings is a new category.

a threshold.

a place where I explore my nonbinaryness outside of what has always been

the other side of.

uncharted terrain.

not a flipping of the same coin—but refusing the coin altogether.

—

i’ve come to understand extroversion and introversion differently as i’ve been on this journey to restore a me i’ve never known.

the two are often flattened into a binary, performative lens—a colonial filing system used to categorize who is and is not socially acceptable under the watchful eye of captain colonial.

you are either one

or the other.

—

i’ve always been categorized as an extrovert.

being neurodivergent, queer, and no longer masking,my so-called “extroversion” is connected to how I process.

I process externally.

visually.

out loud.

this can look like loud, chatty, witty, quick-paced conversation with my partner at the end of the day after we’ve been separate.

it can look like clever, uniquely styled maximal outfits.

performative extroversion assumes I am seeking compliments,attention, validation.I never am.

the way I dress is part of a larger process—connected to my actual being—a process I require.

—

it also means that when I process emotions,

I must feel them fully,

sometimes outwardly,

sometimes at a depth most would call

“too much.”

—

I am not interested in being socially accepted.

my extroversion has never been championed—

it has been challenged at every turn.

it is expected in tandem with the mammification of my body.

I am expected to be fat,

dark-skinned,

and pleasant.

when that expectation is shattered,

people have created horrific lies

to justify who I am,

how I am,

and my immediate disposal.

—

introversion, on the other hand,

is often granted quiet permission.

those who process internally are usually left alone

because socially they present no “aggressive” challenge.

they don’t bother anyone.

they are perceived as harmless.

harmless often means

they embody something the dominant culture finds valuable—

light skin, thinness, proximity to whiteness.

this isn’t always the case,

but it is a pattern I’ve learned to read fluently.

—

colonialism congratulates those who can keep it buttoned up.

respectability politics dressed as maturity.

but this containment must be paired

with the ability to perform socially

at the culture’s never-ending demand.

this is colonial wildfire—

a force that disconnects people from their core self,

constantly reshaping them on behalf of the state,

cut off from grounded interrogation,

cut off from community.

—

indigenous wildfire asks something else.

it asks you to combine

and move beyond

introversion and extroversion.

to create balanced alignment.

embodiment.

to first commune with the self—

perfected in flow—

before stepping into community

to thrive, to share,

to be held accountable.

it is the literal meaning of getting in your bag.

it begins with the foundation of bespoking you,

then building from there.

we were never meant to be either/or.

binary

in

bull

shit

—

the ways I was socially pushed toward external acceptance

left me no room to see or understand my fullness.

that fullness became a body

I had to lean into traumatically—

because who I was naturally

had to go.

my “full” turned into over-eating,

over-doing,

over-drinking.

a recovering undercover over-lover

shaped by abuse and survival.

they will love me if I do.

cept they neva did.

—

the spaces and circles

where I was meant to expand into sovereignty

shamed me into submission.

I was born to people

who had me to fill their lack.

and that

was that.